Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
