is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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