Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
