how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
