Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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