And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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