if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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