Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
