therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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