just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
