Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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