im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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