My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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