Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
