i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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