alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
