I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
