Can i not drive my cunt home
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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