and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
