paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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