I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
