im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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