can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
