She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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