So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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