I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
