im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
