I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
