I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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