so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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