Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
