If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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