After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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