I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
