Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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