just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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