Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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