she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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