Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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