you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
