Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
