good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
