someone get that fucking seahorse.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
