Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
