that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
