she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
