Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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