He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
