Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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