Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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