Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
