my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
