She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
