I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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