if you like me you must not know who I am
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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