Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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