I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
