Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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