just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have feelings that need drinking.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
