I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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