the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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