nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
