I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
