I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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