Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
