my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
