just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
