she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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