first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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