Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
