Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
