i think my tv is drunk
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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