so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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