turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
