you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
